Bob Higgins

Burning Korans and Teabaggers for Jesus

Posted in Humor, News, Politics, Pop Culture, Religion by Bob Higgins on September 10, 2010
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I’m not a big fan of symbolism, religious or political; the flag waving at the Olympics, hands held over hearts at ball games and auto races, fingers pointed at the sky or genuflection in the end zone strikes me as empty, meaningless, affected behavior. I prefer more tangible substance, facts and deeds over these public “going through the motions” displays of piety and patriotism.  But that’s just me.

If I did care for symbolism this would be the week that I opted for the great symbolic slam dunk, the turducken of religious and nationalistic display. I would get a bunch of “holy books” all the usual stuff “the majors” and all the other “holy” tomes I could find and wrap them in an Israeli flag, then an Iraqi flag, followed by the flag of Iran and the US Stars and Stripes. I would tie the package up in a prayer rug of the kind advertised by late night TV evangelists in exchange for a “love offering” and set fire to the whole silly mess in the nearest place that allows bonfires, sit down, pop open a beer and call the media.

I’d likely become as famous as a rock star in 24 hours.

They call him “pastor,” they call him reverend, they say he is “godly,” a holy man, beloved of and by “god.” “They” as close as I can determine, are the approximately 50 people who are members of his Florida “church,” the Dove World Outreach Center… honest, that’s what they call it and it earns them a federal tax exemption. I’ve seen him.

I say he is a flimflam man, a snake oil salesman, just another name in the long and colorful saga of political and religious frauds who have stepped forward in our history when offered an opportunity to assist in emptying the wallets of the faithful of any party or persuasion.

The story of Terry Jones has been driven by a frenzy of “interest and concern” from the public after being woven into a quilt from scraps of whole cloth and mercilessly stirred by a media culture devoted to ratings and selling somebody’s soap flakes.

I suppose that this tempest was created and promoted because there was a temporary news vacuum, a hole in the air due to an absence of Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton news, a shortage of salacious stories about reality TV “stars,” complicated by a lack of recent celebrity deaths or scandalous drunken outrages by public figures.

Reverend, Pastor, His Holiness Terry “Dingbat” Jones stepped into that vacuum as this week’s entry in the continuous cycle of idiotic nonsense which serves to keep enough of us distracted from strangling the ruling class that the beat goes on and the money continues to roll in with no disruption to business as usual.

One problem with this story is that Terry Jones stepped into my life and I don’t want him there. I know that such people exist by the tens of thousands; I know they congregate with others of like mind and similar plumage, in organizations, clubs, churches, support groups think tanks and institutions for the protection of the insane. I know who he is.

At any given moment in time, in every place inhabited by humans there is a nincompoop or a circle of nincompoops cooking up some scheme to promote their nincompoopery or to celebrate it or fund its future pursuit, study or practice.

In the interest of full disclosure I have to say that I don’t give a big damn, nor a little one, about any “holy” book.  I respect every one’s right to believe whatever wanton silliness their heart may desire, but I see no need to pretend that their beliefs are in any way “holy” or “beloved of god” whoever that is.

Every religion, and every sect, every cult, splinter group and disgruntled breakaway fraction of a church thinks that their beliefs and actions are supported by a god who loves them. They know this largely because they pray about it and god answers them in a voice that sounds strangely like their own and tells them exactly what they want to hear.

This is what they call “faith.” I don’t have any of this “faith.” And… I don’t want any.

So to all the religions of the world and all the nincompoops, even those with press credentials, I say this:  go away, shut up and leave me alone, and… Get off my porch, my dog sleeps there.

Bob Higgins

Related stories:
New twists in saga of pastor and Quran burning
Top Stories More Important than Quran-Burning Nut Job
Gainesville pastor Terry Jones previously led evangelicals in Germany

6 Responses

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  1. Dale said, on September 11, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Brings to mind Elmer Gantry. I find mythological stories about imaginary beings to be an insult to my intelligence.

  2. nameless said, on September 11, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Freedom’s not free. Free speech is appropriate in the face of death threats. That’s not religion its the constitution.

    • bobhiggins said, on September 11, 2010 at 3:17 pm

      I have no idea what this comment is supposed to mean.

      The commenter calls himself “nameless,” perhaps the last name is non sequitur.

      • nameless said, on September 11, 2010 at 5:35 pm

        Hi Bob, I don’t think it’s a non sequitur. To call it a religious issue misses the point. [B] Its a constitutional crisis for the USA brought on by our president and general expressing fear of a foreign religion’s reaction to free speech. [/B]
        As we share text here bibles flags and efigies are burning. For that I’ve stated my piece with more voluminous text and video elsewhere. I became a fan this sort of “inflamitory” speech to draw out such threateners/bullies as has T Jones (though I’m just a “nameless” youtuber). Sometimes its appropriate to speak harsh words like “BURN” (

      • bobhiggins said, on September 11, 2010 at 5:52 pm

        Again, I don’t care about symbols, I shit on bibles, flags and cute puppies.

        This entire non event of Pastor Dumbass and the Koran was cooked up as a distraction, a silly diversion for and by morons.

        This is not a major moment in the history of religion nor is it a “constitutional crisis” except among the insane.

        I don’t care what they burn, I don’t care what you burn, just quit wasting my precious time with nonsense.

        And “faith” is horse shit, magical thinking and nothing else. If it makes you feel better exercise all the faith you care to.

        Just don’t get any on me.

        And stay the hell off my porch.

  3. nameless said, on September 11, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    1 more thing Bob,
    Its thanks to free speech in the USA that individuals can HONESTLY have FAITH. Without fully free speach faith is destroyed by LAW or in other words SATANIC SLAVERY.
    Hope that helps clear up the non sequitur idea.

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